The Jordan Catalano School of Seduction.

Hey. So I’m, like, Angela Chase. I’m in this show, which is mostly about me. If you’re watching it when you’re, like, 16, you’re going to overlook how much of a brat I am and set a ridiculous romantic precedent for girlfriends and you’re going to expect everything to be profound but also, like, ‘I can so relate to that’. If you’re watching it again as a grown-up or whatever, then you’ll realise my dad Graham (who we all call ‘Gram’ by the way) is totally the best character in the show. Pirate Graham is totally the best.

Anyway. There’s this guy. Jordan. Oh my god. He’s the most incredible guy I’ve ever met. Ever. Here’s why.




1. When I want to go and talk to him, after we’ve been sort of seeing each other. He says stuff like ‘You’re crowding me,’ and then ignores me. SWOON FACTOR 7/10

2. He told me not having sex with him ‘is abnormal.’ SWOON FACTOR 9/10

3. I invited him to meet my parents. And he stood me up in front of them and it was really embarrassing and I had to go and cry. SWOON FACTOR 10/10

4. He wears these big trousers and this sheepskin jacket that you know must really stink. He can’t have washed it. Ever. SWOON FACTOR 6/10

5. He only ever seems to talk about Tino. Who quit the band. Jordan’s in a band, and Tino quit. SWOON FACTOR 7/10

Oh this is Brian. He’s trying to lend me his bike or help me with something or whatever. He’s so selfish and he doesn’t understand people at all. EWWW FACTOR 100/100

Back to Jordan...

6.He doesn’t know what day it is. Even when it’s New Year’s Eve. SWOON FACTOR 8/10

7.He had sex with my best friend. SWOON FACTOR 10/10

So anyway. I just thought I'd share that. I should probably go and listen to some Stone Temple Pilots now. They're this band I like. (I say so in Episode 4.)

Oh, and I think Juliana Hatfield is like, a ghost or an angel or something.