Actually I'm going to try and curb the wailing today. You're sick of it, it paints a sorry picture of me, and a good friend of mine is going through a really shit time with love that I don't envy and puts my unremarkable boo-hooing into shade.
I am still going to be boring though, so feel free to skip on to the hornets and bees. They just bite them in half. Slaughter entire hives in minutes. It's awesome.
In my week and a half of joblessness I've been so indulgent in my apathy my brain has turned to fudge. I've only been awake maybe twenty hours this week. I'm not in gear to talk about anything. I fall asleep and wake up smiling because I'm really enjoying 12-16 hours of suspended thought and weightlessness. I'm in amniotic fluid, unborn, and I don't even confuse my dreams with the waking world anymore. I'm aware that this crap happening to me is dream crap. I don't have to pay attention to it.
If I extend backwards beyond the last few days and see if anything interesting has happened, I'm still not sure I've got much to say or can articulate what I want to say. I hooked up with an old estranged friend. Somebody who used to be closer than a brother and because of stupid politics and my general anxieties and apathies I hadn't spoken to in nearly 8 years. (Tell a lie, one time I was in a bath eating ice-cream and I got a call from him asking who recorded 'I'm Easy' before Faith No More. Lionel Ritchie and the Commodores, I replied. I'm guessing it was a pub quiz. That was the only thing we'd said to each other in years. And that was five years ago.) And it wasn't weird. Which was weird, I guess. He just came over and looked at my bookshelf. We got on. There was no problem. Except I used to go out with an evil potato and he didn't.
That's pretty much it. I don't really want to talk about the expiration of my nice job. Fuck it.
Job hunting hasn't started yet. Don't know if you can tell, but I really suck at selling myself, mainly because I know I'd be ripping people off. Wasn't my overbearing shitness obvious from the application form or interview even? I gave you people every opportunity to appraise me as a useless fuck.
I watch Jurassic Parks 1,2,3 in bed. I'm wondering if any of you get this - before I laugh, or feel fear, excitement or joy, I experience this wave, the same wave. Like a proto-emotion. And it feels like it could go either way. It feels like I can laugh instead of cower, or cry instead of celebrate. Because for a second it's just this blank tide. When I sing to myself I get it. A surge. I guess it's a seratonin/endorphine/adrenaline thing. Any of you know what I mean? Your comments please.
The first Jurassic Park gave me lots of moments like that. Sometimes it's the obvious pleasures that are the best. We all want to seek out the obscure and unpopular for our corner of cool pleasure, but sometimes we just got to admit how much joy there is to be had in the big, obvious popular things. Jurassic Park. Ice Cream.
Finished Alias Season 5, and in doing so finished Alias. Last season was a bit messy, to be honest. But Alias in it's entirety was my sorta thing. Not just because of ....
Or....
But because it was silly spy comic book escapism. Frustratingly silly at times. But it was dedicated to being silly. It invested a lot in being silly. And that worked. And Mr. Sark up there is a very charismatic man.
Ok. Conventionally good-looking people don't really belong on my blog. That's probably the only time I'll do that.
I'm going to go eat some apple pie with grated cheddar cheese now. See what it's like.
You go do whatever you do that keeps you happy.
Would you mind telling me what that is, exactly?
8 comments:
...Lena Olin.
You really should see The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Lena Olin, a bowler hat and a mirror. You gotta love Cinema. Its one of the things which make me happy. I suppose all "art" does - books, music etc. Everything like that. I used to think that I consumed it in an escapist way but it feels less and less like that the older I get. I guess my imagination just needs the stimulation. Also : good food, football, mes amigos, the missus.
That wave you describe - nope, never get it. My emotions are more or less instantaneous. No warning, no surge. Also quite black and white.
The bit in Jurassic park where they see the first diplodocusy one and the camera goes up over the ridge an dyou see all of dinosaur land? Very emotional. It's up there with Yoda in episode two and J-Lo in the Miami Dolphins cut-off talking to her dad in Out Of Sight as the most "OH FUCK YES" moments in film.
Looks like at least three of us are in on a friday night and only one has a decent sunday-morning-curled-up excuse. Dang.
On the double shift just before Xmas I sat for my hour 'lunch' at 1am watching the last hour of Jaws.
= Grinning like a mental.
Last two days at work they've played the theme music from Rocky. = Walking around grinning like a mental.
It's the little surprises that seem to be doing it for me lately. When I find out who the third girl down is in your Alias line up I'll likely be grinning like a mental also.
I get that wave thing now and again...like when your stomach turns upside down a bit...and you either start giggling or the back of your head falls out. Doesn't happen much anymore. Just the grinning.
Mia Maestro.
The bits that did it for me were mostly the trailer moments. The first reveal of the herd of Brachiosaurs. The ripples in the cup. The T-Rex's foot sinking into the mud (actually most of that initial T-Rex attack, including the car stuck in the tree bit and the 'Objects in the rear view mirror' gag). 'Clever girl' and obviously 'When dinosaurs ruled the earth'. It was like listening to Bohemian Rhapsody. I know the fucker off by heart, but damn if I don't enjoy it each time.
"Clever girl" is one of my favourite movie moments and will probably be remembered after I forget my own name.
I love Spielberg as much as the next geek, but I don't get all this Jurassic Park love. It was a disappointment when it was released and its still a disappointment.
Too PG, no climax, too corporate and contrived in its plotting...alright, it has some great moments, like any Spielberg film, but so much of it is colourless and dull...
Uh. You're wrong.
Now you know that just isn't possible.
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