Can't Hardly Date pt. Whatever.
Well that's it. Subscription runs out tomorrow.
Not much more I can say about it. Logged on today. Favourites - glamourous, young and interesting people. Fans - A bunch of old fishwives. They're probably being less optimistic flagging a guy in his twenties, than I am flagging someone attractive and intelligent.
Messages: Outbox: Read? *tick* Replied? *cross*
I'm at the point where I just shout at the machine. I've got cardboard tubes from the insides of wrapping paper that I smash about the front room. '---Woo---' studied at Cambridge, lived in Japan, did freelance TV work, likes her men dapper and adventerous. (why the fuck does Soulmates rank me 97% compatible with her taste in men?) looks like a model and is so far out of my fucking league I have to go do reps on the dumbells until I'm too spent to bash my face in with anything. Let me go and find glamour models' profiles on My Space. Alex Sim-Wise, you'll be my friend, if only because you have thousands already.
Bah.
So I'm not renewing. I think my photo and details stay on there but being able to contact anyone expires. I might tune in from time to time and see which other medieval-faced crone from Louth or Telford has added me to her menu.
Went clubbing by myself again last night. Waste of time.
'Can I buy you this round?'
'I'm just getting tap water'
Like fuck. You saw me and you had that prepared. Fuck am I doing? Seriously. Why do I bother?
Even if I had a willing wingman volunteer from my friends, it would probably make no difference. I'd still look like the angriest man in the world (somedays I look way more angry than I am, somedays it doesn't do me justice. Today neither Eminem or Number Six can hold a candle to how fed up I feel), and any if not all of them would prove to be more handsome, more approachable, nicer, more charismatic, any or all of these than me. Go on my own, feel like a pariah. Go with anyone else and I'll probably feel even more inadequate. Fucking great.
Days like this I just get so bitter. I'm sorry. In the past two weeks I've been called King of Blogs and even had an old friend quote bits of it back to me. I'm spoiling all that by coming on here for a big wet whinge. I'm 27 this year. I'm the wrong age to be single. At university when I was unattached and things were a bit more carefree, why did I go round looking for my next long-term? Why didn't I just fucking enjoy myself? Some times it was offered to me on a plate. When I find out who was responsible for getting me here I'm going to smash his face in.
But still, would this elusive romantic adventure really change anything? I let a relationship with a beautiful girl who I've got more in common with than anyone else curl up and die. Two years later I'm still hurling things about, fed up with this emptiness permeating anything I do. Is anything going to be fulfilling anymore? I had a reunion with some old good friends before Christmas. It was fun, and I think everyone was glad to have gone, but now all I remember of it was how one of them thought I was having a go at him and threatened to walk out, and how everyone managed to make each other laugh save for me. I feel like I made no progress. This hollow distance. This void is going to taint any time I get what I think I want. And then I'll lose it. And then I'll be bitter and feel cheated. Even the good things turn into bad memories.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
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5 comments:
What has happened to young Edward from Orpington. A football player? A painted lady? And now you've lost faith in the power of a good Skroonk!!! At least you haven't lost faith in the 6th March. If I were in the big smoke i'd be your wing man really give the ladies a treat.
Well, I don't know who this Edward chap is. It's certainly not me as my name is plainly Monsterwork, but I will endeavour to answer your questions about this fellow anyway.
What happened to him? I suppose he probably got older, and felt like less and less of what he felt, saw or did was any good, and that most of what he remembers about anything is the mistakes and shortcomings. He hopefully left Orpington, as I know that place to suck quite horrendously. People from Bromley would hesitate before inviting their brothers to ride the 358 away from there, lest they brought all of that wretchedness with them.
Football. It's violent and energetic, and so quite probably suits this guy Edward's temprament. It might also be that he's been too damn lazy to go of late.
A painted lady? Your guess is as good as mine?
Skroonk? I'm not sure what that is. I'll quote from a little fact finding I just did via Google. "Skronk" is a term coined by Robert Christgau (or at least Lester Bangs attributed it to him in his "A Reasonable Guide to Horrible Noise") to describe the music made by musicians in the late '70s art-punk movement No Wave (i.e. DNA, Teenage Jesus and the Jerks, etc.), and like-minded noisy or 'difficult' pieces of music. - Well, I can't say I ever had faith in this, as it's the first I've heard of it. I do like difficult music, I suppose; Dillinger Escape Plan, Maldoror. We can call that small faith for now.
Well, if this Edward chump has hopes for March 6th 2007, then he might be a man after my own tastes.
Perhaps this last bit is aimed at me, given my wingman rumblings just yesterday. Well thank you, dog. Thank you most kindly.
Wait. 'Skroonk!' is the noise The Hulk makes when he steps on a cannon.
I've always had faith in this, kind sir.
just realised i signed me in under another alias
p.s i've got my pre-order in already not that it'll be released
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